Let's Talk About Buzzfeed

In 5th grade, I became best friends with my (still) BFF Ingrid, because she had magazine subscriptions to "teen" magazines (well, that and a we shared a mutual love of Big Willie Style), which my mom wouldn't let me read until I was older. And because Ingrid is super Type A, she saved all of them, in date order, allowing me to catch up on years and years of teen knowledge. Really the only reason I read them was DUH, for the quizzes. Does he like you? Are you a good friend? What career should you have? Between that and the horoscopes, I never had to think for myself because Jump Magazine told me EXACTLY who I was. This is probably what led to my lifelong issue with indecisiveness, so my mom was probably onto something, trying to keep me away from them. So anyway, now that I'm an "adult" and can't stomach an entire issue of Cosmopolitan without wanting to throw it across the room/growing my rage bias against the Millenial generation, I lead a life bereft of quizzes.

You're welcome for this one, Ing

Until NOW. Thanks to Buzzfeed, my life problems have been solved. And not only are Buzzfeed quizzes completely topical (EVERYONE NEEDS TO KNOW WHICH MUPPET THEY ARE, ASAP) they are always dead on. I'm not kidding- Buzzfeed knows me better than Ingrid might. OK nobody knows me better than Ingrid, myself included. It probably goes in this order of Julie-awareness:

1. Ingrid

2. Buzzfeed

3. Everyone else

4. Me

The questions are just so spot on:

Here is a small sampling of the ways in which Buzzfeed has proven its intimate knowledge of my personality:

1. Which Girls Character Are You?

I despise Girls. And yet I've seen every episode.  But honestly, Lena Dunham is possibly the worst human being ever. If I had gotten Hannah Horvath as my result, I would have had to schedule an emergency therapy session to re-evaluate, immediately. But obviously Shoshanna is the star of this painful series. And I look awful in pink. Straight up Elle Woods. 

2. What Do You Need In Your Life Right Now?

There is no possible way to argue with this. I own a pet rodent. And, most of the time, I just want everyone to get out of my face. 

3. Which Witch Are You? 

This isn't vain. It's called REALISM.

 3. What kind of dog are you? 

Who doesn't want to be a Corgi? 

4. How emotionally unavailable are you? 

Truer words have never been spoken. And April Ludgate is my personal hero. I want to travel the world with her.

5. Who is your Disney best friend?

I reluctantly took this one, because I'm not totally team Disney. But Dug is easily the best character ever, and this is a pretty accurate description of me. And he's really ADD. The only other acceptable answer would be Remy from Ratatouille, and I can't cook. 

6. Which Spice Girl Are you?

Everyone who knew me in 4th grade just nodded yes.

7. What kind of relationship should you be in?

And that's why I'm moving to LA to live with Ingrid forever.  The end.

What kind of results did you get?