So I was watching Gossip Girl this morning while getting ready for work, as I do every day and I had a little epiphany. There are so many idols to have in pop culture. Elle Woods, of course, Summer Roberts, Naomi from 90210 2.0. But right now- I think Blair Waldorf is my numero uno. That girl can spit some serious wisdom. A little quote in particular really jumped out at me today:
"Feelings never make sense. They get you all confused. Then they drive you around for hours, before they drop you right back where you started".
I am hugely guilty of ALL THE FEELINGS, so this really caught my attention. As girls, and women, we are taught to be perfect. We're taught to handle everything with grace and class. To be the smartest, (but not too smart as to intimidate men) the prettiest, the skinniest, the most motivated. To ignore our feelings, all while taking care of everyone else in our lives, because we're "wired" to do so. We're also taught that our feelings are "silly" because we're sensitive women, and in order to be taken seriously, we need to stifle them.
For the past year, Sheryl Sandberg has been asking us to "Lean In". To toughen up and prove that we are just as capable as men. But she's asking us to do this by being giving up a core principle of femininity and equality. Basically, she's telling us that by acting the same way as men in the office, they will see us as equals. While the message has good intentions, it's misleading. And remember when Kelly Cutrone came out with her book, If You Have to Cry, Go Outside? I am guilty of this. I have made it a policy to never cry in the office. Never let me people see me being emotional. Why? Because I have been programmed to believe that showing emotion, losing my cool, will make me look weak. Unequal. In a male dominated industry like advertising, it's a hard line to tread.
Why should we as women have to be anything other than ourselves to be seen as equals? Why can't we get emotional, cry, and then solve the problem? Isn't it healthy to accept emotions, rather than stifling them, as many men are wont to do? It's not a realistic viewpoint for 95% of the female (and hell, male!) population of this country, and many, many others. When we look for idols, is a rich, Fortune 500 CEO who we should be looking to? Is that a reasonable mentor? Let's be honest here: NO. There are countless other people we should be looking to for guidance. Thusly, I give you:
Blair Waldorf.
Blair Waldorf is not a businessman. Blair is not immune to feelings, heartbreak, anger. As much as we believe we should be stoic ice queens, that is not what needs to be done to get us ahead. She tries- and often fails- at the ice queen route.
Blair has, what I find to be, very appropriate psychological responses to problems (just kidding parents). But I will tell you from recent experience, that a new pair of Tory Burch riding boots can really help your outlook on life.
One thing Blair knows how to do though, is get out of bed, make herself look fabulous, get her trusty sidekick, Dorota, and reinvent herself. Blair has a confidence that I greatly envy. When everything is a mess, she gets up, and moves along. But never, ever, does she quash her emotions to seem "on par" with the men around her.
Some may say that Blair Waldorf is mean. Maybe she's just confident? Most of the things out of her mouth, if said from a male point of view, would be taken as bravery. As "taking control". But as a female, she's just seen as mean. As being dramatic. Being emotional. Being sensitive. But hello! These qualities are desperately needed in the world, because a world devoid of emotion is what? A Clockwork Orange? No, merci.
It's time to stop feeling inferior for having ovaries. Or for whatever reason. As the brilliant Eleanor (Roosevelt, not Waldorf) once said:
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"
Next time you're feeling like you need to toughen up, like you need to be "more"than you are, take a step back and think "Am I doing the best I can?" and if you are- that's good enough. And if it's not good enough for someone else, they are likely the one with the issue. Not you. So keep on keeping on. And remember, when you're feeling meh: WWBD?
Happy Wednesday!
So well said Julie!
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