26 Things I Learned* In My 26th Year

* Just because I learned them doesn't mean I've become an expert at practicing them. Maybe 27 will help accomplish that feat...

1. Juicing is dumb. Fruit is good. Vegetables are good. The occasional juice is good. But living off of juice is not good.

2. If you have enough money to buy clothing that is Dry Clean Only, you have enough money to dry clean said items (RIP several articles of clothing that had to die for me to learn this lesson).

3. Never buy produce from Trader Joe's. Everything else, absolutely. But TJ's produce is not your friend- it WILL go bad within three days.

4. As my girl Maya Angelou has stated "When someone shows you who they are, believe them". This includes friends, boyfriends, cable providers, etc. When Comcast sucks in one city, don't give it a shot in another- it's still Comcast, and it still sucks. And that 800 # doesn't change no matter where you live.

5. If a guy refuses to let you choose the Redbox, he doesn't deserve to be sharing your couch.

6. Conversely, if a guy will sit through the entirety of the Miss USA pageant and pretend that he didn't even hate it- he might be a keeper.

7. Never check Facebook on weekends, or during non-working hours. If you're not getting paid to scroll through statuses, it's not worth your time.

8. The public library is your friend. Especially when they will let you "check out" books on your iPad.

9. Volunteer for people younger than you. It doesn't have to be kids- don't torture yourself. Being on my Sorority's Women's Fraternity's advisory board has been an eye-opening experience. It's amazing to see the problems that I had as a 19 year old, and how differently I approach them with a few years of "real life" under my belt.

10. Read at least one book a month. And every third or fourth book, make sure you allow yourself a guilty pleasure read. Not everything needs to be mentally stimulating.

11. When people want to help you, let them. Don't apologize profusely for needing help- just make sure to reciprocate when the time comes.

12. Working out is necessary. Not (just) to be skinny. Your brain needs it, too. And feelings.

13. Nobody has any money in their twenties. Unless they have rich parents, which obviously doesn't count. Stop stressing about it. Make sure you have enough to fix your car when it inevitably does something lame, but don't worry about not owning a condo when you're 25.

14. It is possible to survive without a closet, as long as you're creative. Or as long as you have creative friends who are willing to assist.

15. Age is not a thing. It's not weird to have friends in their 40s or their early 20s. And guys in their 30s aren't any more mature than college guys. I mean, I'm sure some of them are. But if I've gone out with them, they're not.

16. If you think you're sick, you're probably sick. Stop thinking you're a hypochondriac and accept it.

17. Related: never put your job above your health. As Ron Swanson says, "Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing." If you're sick, your work will suffer. If you're working through sickness, your health will suffer even worse. Looking at you, stress.

18. Pets are annoying, but worthwhile. BUT if you can't take care of them- don't have them. I could not have my oh so charming kitten and demandingly chipper guinea pig if I didn't have a landlord who was fine with it, friends who will watch them when I'm out of town, and love for their cute furry faces. Plus, they teach you that material possessions aren't everything (I accepted long ago that I will someday have to reupholster my expensive furniture).

19. Sleep matters. Being able to hang doesn't matter. Take this from someone who was in bed by 11pm on my 27th birthday- and not because I was too intoxicated to function. Because I was full of delicious tacos and had a full day of friends, sunshine, and happiness. And sleeping brings me more joy than tequila shots. 

20. Spending money on alcohol at bars is a waste. Get something good, and enjoy it before you go out. You're probably going to feel old at a bar anyway. And you're definitely too old to be raging- unless it's a bachelorette party.

21. Paint your own nails. The occasional manicure for upkeep is always good. But even the sloppiest human being can figure out how to paint their own nails (me) after doing it a thousand times.

22. Finding a few friends who "get" you is way more important than having a bunch of acquaintances. My best friend sent me a few interesting factoids the other day: 

The average friendship lasts 5-7 years.

Relationships with people who share the same or similar taste in music with you are more likely to last.

16 years ago, two very different girls bonded over a mutual love of Big Willie Style. Countless people have wondered how we were even friends, much less maintained BFF status over 3,000 miles. But clearly there's something to be said for this because our friendship can now drive a car in just about every state. 

23. When you feel like you can't get out of bed, move, or do anything ever again- go for a walk. Maybe put on a hat so if you start crying in public you can hide it, but the walk will always make you feel better.

24. Sheets and towels are worth the money. Even when you really want new clothes- you sleep in sheets every night. Foregoing those jeans for a higher threadcount is completely worth it. Also- featherbeds.

25. Life isn't fair. Everything will go wrong at one time. Everything. Just remember that you can drive a car, vote, make your own decisions, and be as religious or not religious as you want. And then let yourself feel whatever you need to feel. Just because someone has it worse doesn't mean it doesn't suck for you.

26. Odd years are always better. 23>24. 25>26. And so on and so forth. And if it's not an odd year, then current year is your best year ever. So live it up.